Kidnapping a Dumbell
by Krackaroo21
Summary: Squeal to Benching Them Chillens. After Samus Aran did stairs with Mega Man on her shoulders, she learned why he was acting weird during the contest. Then, all calamity broke loose when Captain Falcon and Little Mac found them and planned to swipe Mega Man back themsleves. Again, another unserious fic! I only own this work, not the franchise.


**Hello! How are you?** **Here is a squeal idea I got from darksymphony777 (btw he is a cool dude. Check him out on youtube and give this guy some love. He really made my day when he reviewed one of my stories!) But, still, this fic is unserious and is not my SSB characterizations I have for the smashers, but here it is!** **Anyway, enjoy the quirkiness!**

- **-E--**

"Hey, Rob!" Sonic called out to the passing robot. "You haven't seen my dude anywhere, right? Y'know, this tall--" he put his hand in the air "--this blue." He pointed to himself.

Rob only stared.

"So have you?"

Staring.

"Dude, I got lunch to get. Have you seen him or not?"

Rob, who calculated Sonic's words, suddenly spun around and scooted across the floor like a determined varoomba. Catching up to the robot won't be hard though.

"So you have? Cool! Robots must have a six sense for other robots or somethin'."

Rob beeped and stared ahead.

 **\--E--**

It hadn't even been five minutes, but Mega Man was sick of being a sentient dumbell. The snickers from passing fighters in the gym made his metal body shrivel up like a soda can. If Elec Man saw him like this -- saw him on Samus' shoulders while flying up and down the gym's stairs -- it would be the end of it.

Luckily, humans needed breaks. A few minutes into a water break, with Samus gushing ice water and wiping her forehead, Mega Man kept himself silent, not sure whether to go meet up with Sonic or escape into his dorm room and recharge. How did it come to this? Being picked up?

"Well, that was very different." Samus laughed to herself, smiling more than how he usually saw her. "Now I can say I've done stairs with a robot."

"Yeah..."

The gym quickly became still as people left through the heavy doors. Still, then uncomfortable. The silence was too loud.

"Something wrong?" Samus asked, recapping her bottle.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Wow, you're the worst lair."

He pouted. "So what if I am? Lying's bad anyway..."

"So why are you lying? Something's bothering you. I know you well enough during all our target training to know that."

Maybe the silence bothered him too much to remain silent, or that Samus was a good friend of his, or that it would bother him all day if he didn't say it out loud, because he spilled the gunk out of his head.

"I just felt uncomfortable being picked up, I guess," Mega admitted. "I just don't like it, and I don't wanna be the one who breaks someone's back or seen breaking someone's back."

"You're not that heavy."

"I'm all metal and pistons, so of course I am." He shrugged. "It's okay, really, but I just worry I'll step on someone's foot or something. It keeps happening whenever I play soccer with Sonic and Pit."

Samus felt her own foot pulse now that she pictured the brutal game. "That's rough, but you still play soccer, right?"

"Yeah, but I play baseball more. You can't step on anyone when they're a base or two away," he said with his metal hands over his lap. Head down. But even with this minor insecurity, he felt better. With the way she listened to him, she reminded him of a therapist who helped people talk about their issues. She even patted his shoulder sagely.

"Now I see. I thought you were being strange earlier. You're normally not so nervous."

Just as the gym began to relax, just as things got decent, the heavy doors across the room burst open. Little Mac and Captain Falcon speed-walked their way to them with challenging eyes.

"Hey, why'd ya just kidnapped the Blue Bomber like that for? It took forever to find ya!" Falcon stood over Samus with a tight jaw. "Really inconsiderate if you ask me."

Deadpanned, she returned his tone. "What are you talking about?"

"I said I wanted to train with him too, remember?" Mac said, crossing his boxing-gloved arms awkwardly to copy the Captian's. "But then you just picked him up and went on your merry way!"

"C'mon, Megs, let's go do a five-minute mile," Falcon said, not waiting for an answer as he tried to scoop Mega Man up, like a mover to an over-priced dresser.

"Hey, calm down," she slapped his hand away. "Go do a real workout. What if Mega doesn't even want to?"

"Not like you bothered to ask him that."

Mega Man kept his head down as Samus grew uncomfortable herself. She didn't realize how she did kidnap him out of his will. Didn't he mention plans after the contest?

"Well, I..."

"Yeah," Mac frowned, still holding his arms awkwardly. "Don't feel so high and mighty." He turned to Falcon and Mega Man. "Anyway, guys, we got cardio to do."

"Now hold on a second..." She began, frustrated at Mega Man's silence, his lacking voice and will to stand up for himself. It was obviously his self-consciousness held his tongue, but couldn't he realize leaning on her won't push these bozos away? With this thought, she realized, she felt like a nanny for the robot.

"No seconds!" Captain Falcon cried and slung the Blue Bomber over his shoulder. "FALCON YOINK!"

They sped off, kicking up dust from the floorboards.

"Hey! He doesn't want to!" she yelled then tailed after them. Now, undoubtedly, she felt like a nanny.

 **\--E--**

They ran like maniacs -- through the hallways, through the smash hall, through the crowds. Samus, now in her armor, was on their heels.

One could imagine all the looks they got.

"Samus! Over here!" Mega Man yipped so she could find him and the kidnappers as soon as possible. It was like a maze how many rooms there were in the smash mansion. "They turned the second corner to your right!"

"Dude, shut up!" Mac barked. "D'you want us to be killed to death?!"

Mega Man kept his voice heard, but instantly fell silent, instantly recoiled like a clam to the touch of a toddler, as they turned into the mess hall. Eyes were everywhere. Every turn had a spectator to witness the great chase. He couldn't keep his head up or his voice loud to gain more attention. Nervousness gagged him.

Samus had more trouble navigating with people in the way, like they were meat shields, but she did the next best thing. Nearly kicking Princess Peach in the face, she parkoured across the tables.

Falcon cursed loud enough for people to gasp. "Oh #$%, she can jump! Mac, run!"

She was as scary as a flying spider in the shower. The bringer of death. Falcon and Mac had to lose her or lose their necks.

Little Mac tripped over Meta Knight, but a few hippy-hops saved him from a nasty face-plant. Quickly, he and the Captain turned the nearest corner: the kitchen. With backs against the wall, they waited for Samus to breeze pass in a fit of rage. As well as Meta Knight, who was flustered and hunted down Mac.

Moments later, they were safe and out of sight. Surrounded by the smell of chicken basil lasagna in a few ovens nearby: garlic bread on the counters, soaking in buttery puddles.

They breathed hard.

"Whoop whoop!" Captain Falcon triumphed through gulps of air. "I actually thought we were goners there for a second..." He sat Mega Man down on the counter, then caught his breath and a break for his drained arms. All the while the robot covered his face.

The entire smash community saw that. He could only pray Elec Man wasn't out there to see the fiasco or anyone else he knew that would capture it on film. Possible blackmail in the wrong hands would slay him. He thought the worst of it.

Mac checked the fridge by the ovens. "Hey, I found energy drinks!" He tossed one to the Captain and they both guzzled electric blue cans down.

"Man," Falcon grinned, chin dripping. "I needed that! I was barely able to run that fast with the Blue Bomber over my shoulder. But, man, what a sweat!"

"Yeah, I think that counted as a five-minute mile 'cause I'm tired out! We'll take a break first though before running some more," Mac said, pulling out a third drink and held it up to Mega Man. "Wanna drink?"

"Oh, um..." Mega peeled his metal hands off his face. "I can only drink E-tanks."

Falcon laughed. "Robot juice!"

"Uh, sure."

"Do they come in a box with a straw?"

How badly Mega Man wanted to make a break for it, how badly he wanted to redo today and choose to just do target practice with Fox and Falco. They, unlike Mac and Falcon, aren't overwhelming. But how? With crushing embarrassment fresh in his mind, escaping into the mess hall would be suicide. He wouldn't risk Elec seeing him. For now, he was a sitting duck in a sweaty pond. And, beside, Falcon and Mac would just pick him up again like a two-hundred-pound ragdoll kitten if he tried to leave.

After their small break, Captain Falcon started to stretch himself.

"Alright, so," he started, "we can sneak back into the weighting lifting room and get ripped. That way we can beat Samus in another contest sometime next week."

"Sure, but we should focus on leg strength first. I say we do laps or something," Mac said, making a move to pick up Mega Man.

Falcon stopped him. "No way. We wanna out lift her, not outrun her!"

"Never skip leg day."

"Oh shuddup, rookie, I know how to train."

To win the argument, Mac looked at the Robot on the counter. "What do you think, Megs?"

It was surprising to be asked this when they didn't give a bother about his thoughts earlier. Mega Man took the chance. "I don't want to do any of that."

"What?"

"I don't want to be a weight for people to just pick up. I was gonna hang out with Sonic today."

"Why wouldn't you wanna be picked up?" Mac asked. "The other kiddos say it's fun."

He thought on that. "Would you want to be picked up?"

Captain Falcon fluttered like lips like a horse. "Like anyone could lift me. I'd like to see them try... Wait, could you?"

"Wha... N-no! I don't want to pick up anyone either!" Mega Man said quickly, scraping his metal armor on the counter to scoot off, kicking his dangling legs. "I just wanted a normal day!"

"Okay, okay, fine," Mac stopped him in his seat, stopped him like a solicitor to a closing door. "I understand, but could you help us out anyway? I'll getcha as much robot juice as you want."

"What? No, I already..."

"No, we shouldn't have bride him," Captain Falcon said in a reasonable way. "Since he volunteered to help us lift, he should stick with it and help us. He needs to be committed! Now, let's go get ripped."

He took one step forward, a simple well-timed step, just a Mega Man hopped off. With all of Mega Man's weight on one foot, it smashed into the Captain's foot like a license plate mold to a slab of steel. A scream. Falcon stumbled back and knocked over the garlic bread. Butter splashed over the floor.

"Son of a...!"

"I'm so sorry!"

Mac didn't stand up straight or swallow his laughs. He suffered laughter while Falcon suffered a throbbing foot. "Holy cow!"

"Sorry!" Mega Man said as he raced away, raced away into the depths of the kitchen. "I really didn't mean to!"

Mac couldn't stop laughing.

"What are you doing?!" Captain Falcon, evaporating the tears behind his helmet, started to dead-fish slap Mac's face. "The world's best dumbbell's getting away! How'll we beat Samus now?!"

"Okay, fine," Mac quirked his mouth. "Let's get him. This could be a second jog too."

Meanwhile, everyone in the mess hall heard the clamoring and the second chase from their tables. They didn't dare get involved. It, although the middle of the day, was too early. And, with the way Samus patrolled for the kidnapped robot, they were too frightened.

Minutes passed.

Mega Man found a worthy hiding spot: the produce fridge. While uncanny to a walk-in closet, it was packed with fresh vegetables that hung off the shelves. It was strong with citrus and lettuce. He sat on the floor, still apologetic and abashed, as the turnips chilled his back. He had to wait it out -- wait and waste more time until the coast was clear. Sonic must've been mad at him for ditching.

Time passed, whether he liked it or not, and many times he had heard Captain Falcon and Mac's voice fly by.

"Where on earth would you hide a robot at?!"

"Perhaps over in one of those big fridges?"

"Wha-? Dude, I'm allergic to vegetables."

"... Wait, how?"

They skipped the fridges for now.

Mega Man can honestly say he wasn't afraid of them, not afraid if they found him, just that they wouldn't listen to him and he'd have to sit on one of their shoulders around the smash grounds. But, also that Elec Man would see him and embarrass him further. So, he wasn't afraid beyond control, but the moment the fridge door jiggled he jumped. He jumped high enough to bump his head against a coconut. It cracked open and drooled on him.

Two figures rolled in.

"Hey, we're lookin' for a lost dumbbell. I think I misplaced it somewhere and some wise guy took it. Have you seen it anywhere?" Sonic smirked. "It's blue and wears a lil' bike helmet."

Rob stared.

"I'm so glad to see you!" Mega Man was relieved. "You too Rob."

Rob stared. Beeping.

"So what's up, my dude? Why are you in the produce fridge of all places? It's like you were trying to hide from the chili dog stand."

Mega Man peeked around the door of the fridge, checking and judging the area as safe and sane. This was the golden ticket.

"Well, y'see," he explained the ordeal while creeping out into the main kitchen, his metal boots clopping like horseshoes. Somehow, as loud and ninja-disgracing as they were, they made it back to the first room with the fallen garlic bread littering the floor just when he finished the ordeal. "...and that's what's up."

"Oof, that's crazy."

"I know! And they kept picking me up without asking! It's terrible! What if someone I know sees?!"

"Yeah, yeah, but wait, is Samus trying to kidnap you back still, or..."

"Like I said, she's tryna get Cap'n and Mac to give up."

"So she's gonna steal ya back so they can't work out."

"N-no, she's helping me so I don't have to help them work out."

"Ah, but then is she gonna use you as a dumbell again?"

"Well, she never said, but probably not."

"It would be funny if she did."

"Don't jinx me."

Their luck didn't burn forever. Beeping, Rob swerved around just in time for Mac to ram into them. Rob toppled over while Mega Man sprawled wildly at Sonic, like a bowling ball to the last pin down the alley. Seconds later, Captain Falcon tripping onto the dog pile, adding to the disaster in the kitchen. There was butter everywhere.

"Sorry," Mac said. "I slipped on some bread. I only tried to pick up Megs."

The Captain jumped up first, dusting off the garlic. "Yeah, who puts on that much butter on bread anyway?"

Rob stared at the ceiling, uselessly rolling his wheels to try and get up. Meanwhile Sonic struggled under the Blue Bomber's weight, struggling between a ROCK and a hard place. (XD **You know I had too** )

"Dude, get off me! You're so fat!"

"Th-that doesn't make sense!"

He got up quickly and released Sonic. He did it quickly because Captain Falcon helped him up, helped him up and instantly tossed him to Little Mac, who wobbled and teetered with the sudden robot in his arms.

Back to square one.

"Okay, now we can go work out," Falcon said, turning to leave.

"W-w-wait..." Mac barely kept Mega Man parallel as his arms bulged veins. Strength ran out. It wasn't even a few seconds when both of them came crashing back down on Sonic. Metal cracking the buttery floor.

Sonic gasped. "Bruh! Careful with the dumbell!"

The Captain frowned as well. "Mac, you had one job!"

"Sorry," the Boxer sprung up in a huff. "It's like he weighs more than I do or something!"

"Hey, don't get snappy when you're the one who dropped him."

"You're the one who chucked him at me!"

"Whatever!" Captain Falcon picked Mega Man up again before he could retreat. "We got training to do!"

That was when Falcon dropped the robot himself. Metal cracked the floor again, making a second pothole. But this time Mega Man felt a minor dent on his side like a wrinkle in the buttcheek of a sports car. It was small, as big as a quarter, but was loud proof of mishandling. No one, especially Elec Man, cannot see this.

Mac face-palmed. "You are amazing."

"Oh shoot... sorry."

Sonic stood up tall and faced the Captain like a hissing cat. "Why'd ya do that for?!"

"Sorry! My arms are still tired from earlier!" Falcon defended himself. "Plus... he's a little buttery."

Sonic kicked his shin. "No excuse! He has a dent in his butt now!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"Ya done goofed, son!"

"You guys need to stop talking!" Mega Man said over them. He was fed up with everything, everything that started the moment everyone realized he was a worthy dumbbell. "Look, I just wanted a normal day, but then everyone keeps picking me up! What's with that?!"

The next few words came in like a hurricane warning. "Did you guys seriously put a dent in him?"

The oven alarms sounded off as everyone turned to see Samus in the doorway, guarding the only way out. In her armor, in heavy steps, she grabbed both Mac and Captain Falcon's shoulders in an iron grip. They both knew they walked on death row.

"You two need to know when to stop," she spat before leaving.

That was how they were both kidnapped.

While the danger drifted away, Rob still stared at the ceiling, wheels turning in vain.

"I'm sure that'll buff out," Sonic said after the oven alarms hushed themselves. "Or you'll sleep it off... I dunno how you robots repair yourselves."

"I'll get a torch and a repair kit,' Mega Man said, glad everything was over. "But I'm just relieved Elec Man hasn't seen any of this."

"What d'you mean?"

"Well, if he saw me he'll never let me live it down," he shuttered. "He'd tell everyone back home and I won't go a day without them trying to mess around and pick me and each other up... Guts Man would be unstoppable."

"Being the world's best dumbell is a stupid, honorable thing. So what if he does?"

"Well..." he thought about that. "I guess so... but I still don't want them to figure it out and..."

Elec Man came in and slapped Mega Man's shoulder. "So, what's little boy blue doing with the weight lifters, eh?"

 **\--E--**

 **Have a golly good day!** **PS sorry Mega)**


End file.
